Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Four minutes until I can fart!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
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