Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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