do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
