I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
