Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
