just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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