Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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