I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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