Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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