My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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