You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
