Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
