this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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