My liver just broke up with me...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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