you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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