Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
