I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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