I'm gonna have a badass scar
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
