I'm so fucking centered right now
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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