I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
