I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
