I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
