i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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