Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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