This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
