you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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