Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
