At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
A bitchslap is in order.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
