How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
