He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
