You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
