Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
