remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
