Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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