How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
