Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I need to calm my uterus...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
