Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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