So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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