I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The air taste purple.
Randomize
