STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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