The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
