I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
