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so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just pee around me
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
