If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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