Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I FOUND THE LEGS
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
