he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
