Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
