McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
