Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
