I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
