Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
