My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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