I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
