The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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