You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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