i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
