trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
