I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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